In Search of
Serenity
Rev. Cynthia Snavely
Peace of
mind. Serenity. This
is what religion or spirituality
promises. The answers are different,
because various religions have seen the problem differently, but all
work
toward the goal of peace within the adherent. To find serenity for
ourselves we
may call upon religious and spiritual insights.
But, which spiritual insights? It is helpful to define first
what is
keeping us from serenity or peace of mind.
When we can define what is keeping us from peace then we may
begin to
know how to find our way toward it.
For the Christian, the problem is a feeling of non-acceptance based on one’s sense of one’s own wrongdoings and worthlessness. If your parents, your teacher, your boss all corrected you by putting you down your sense of self-worth might need some uplift before you can find peace. Since for many generations this was the way many parents raised children, many teachers taught and many bosses trained and supervised employees it is no wonder that many people were drawn to the Christian message that salvation was a gift that did not need to be earned in any way. One did not need to be the perfect son, daughter, wife, husband, or worker to be loved by God. Jesus ate with sinners.
One of my favorite movies is “Places in the Heart.” The last scene shows all the characters in the movie sitting in a little Southern church passing the trays of communion trays of bread and grape juice to one another. Seated there is the husband who cheated on his wife and the wife and the other woman. Seated there are the Klansmen and the African American farm worker they beat up. In the room are the husband who was killed at the beginning of the movie and the young African American boy who was lynched for killing him. They all eat together.
New Testament scholar, Norman Perrin writes, “The central feature of the message of Jesus is, then, the challenge of the forgiveness of sins and the offer of the possibility of a new kind of relationship with God and with one’s fellow man (or woman). This was symbolized by a table fellowship which celebrated the present joy and anticipated the future consummation; a table fellowship of such gladness that it survived the crucifixion and provided the focal point for the community life of the early Christians, and was the most direct link between that community and the pre-Easter fellowship of Jesus and his disciples” (p.107 Rediscovering the Teachings of Jesus). Jesus ate with tax collectors, prostitutes, and sinners. If you see yourself as worthless and of no account, hear his words. You are loved. You are accepted. You are forgiven. In this tradition you may find peace.
But for many of us this tradition doesn’t fit, because the problem doesn’t quite fit. We have not been beat down until we feel worthless and as if nothing we do is right or good. Our sense of self-worth and general feelings of acceptance are fine. We don’t feel like we need to be saved in this evangelical Christian sense, but we aren’t serene and at peace either. Something isn’t right, but this definition of the problem and solution doesn’t fit.
Buddha said the problem is suffering. The four noble truths of Buddhism are about suffering, its causes and how to mitigate suffering in our lives. Vietnamese Buddhist monk, Thich Nhat Hanh in his book, The Heart of the Buddha’s Teaching writes, “The Third Noble Truth is the cessation of creating suffering by refraining from doing the things that make us suffer. This is good news! The Buddha did not deny the existence of suffering, but he also did not deny the existence of joy and happiness. If you think the Buddha says, ‘Everything is suffering and we cannot do anything about it,’ that is the opposite of the Buddha’s message. The Buddha taught us how to recognize and acknowledge the presence of suffering, but he also taught the cessation of suffering. If there were no possibility of cessation, what is the use of practicing? The Third Truth is that healing is possible.
The Fourth Noble Truth is the path that leads to refraining from doing the things that cause us to suffer. This is the path we need the most. The Buddha calls it the Noble Eightfold Path. The Chinese translate it as the ‘Path of the Eight Right Practices’: Right View, Right Thinking, Right Speech, Right Action, Right Livelihood, Right Diligence, Right Mindfulness, and Right Concentration” (p.11).
Suffering is not a dead on translation for the word, “dukka” that the Buddha used and suffering can be very broadly defined. Many modern day Americans have found that they can relate to this definition of the problem and the solution. They try to follow the 8-fold path. But there are many others for whom this definition of the problem and the solution don’t work either.
Many of us have
discovered that
while we may gain insight from the words of Moses or Jesus or the
Buddha or Lao
Tzu we must define the problem and the solution for ourselves. In 1838 in one of the identity determining
sermons of our Unitarian heritage Ralph Waldo Emerson in his address to
the
students of
So then, how would I define the problem. I define the problem as the expectation that it is possible to have and to be everything. You can tell me that that could be one definition of Buddha’s suffering. You can tell me that not having all and being all one desires or expects is one way of feeling an outcast and unaccepted, the kind of person Jesus reached out toward. But, when I define the problem in my terms and do not depend on someone else doing it for me it makes more sense to me.
I feel as though I, and many of the people around me, have expectations about what we can do and can have that are above what is reasonable. I get mail and phone calls and e-mails trying to give me more and more credit so that I can buy a house or a car I can’t afford. I am offered whirlpools and spas, ski vacations, and tropical resort vacations. I am offered cell-phone plans, internet plans, specials on pdas and laptops and digital cameras and color printers and big screen tvs, and sound systems for my home and car. Do I need this all? What is it reasonable to go in debt for? A home, schooling, a car? But how fancy is affordable and what is beyond the pale? What should I not even consider going into debt for? A vacation, a whirlpool, a designer outfit?
It is not just the expectation that I can own more than I can afford that I define as the problem. It is also that there is an expectation to do more than is humanly possible. If I were a good parent my child I would be sitting with them nightly going over their schoolwork, they would play a sport and an instrument, they would have a tutor. They would have the in clothing and be a good student and popular. If I were a good worker I would put in 60 hours a week. I would take work home with me. I would travel to conferences and to meet clients. I would have a number of people working under me. If I were a good citizen I would serve on school, town or county committees. I would get out and not just vote but promote the candidates of my choice. I would run for office myself. If I were a good church member I would be here regularly. I would help with the ongoing projects. I would serve on committees. I would not just be involved in this congregation. I would be involved on the district and continental levels. I am tired. I can’t do all this.
I can’t own all that society seems to expect me to own. I cannot do all that society seems to expect me to do. That for me is the problem.
Now, what for me is the solution? I see people around me falling into solutions that are not solutions I would want for myself. Couples break up. Now they only have to be full-time parents every other week. Something gives, but at what cost? People take working vacations, trying to relax and enjoy themselves on company time, but again something has to give. Either there won’t really be much play or there won’t be much work. People buy the boat and the spa on credit, but now they are just an extended illness or layoff away from bankruptcy. People volunteer to be on the church and the town and the county committees but then they can’t make the meetings or they come to the meetings without having done any of the work the group needed them to do.
These solutions just emphasize the problem. They don’t solve it.
I
have recently tried a solution that didn’t
work. I thought I would take a break
from ministry and work a job with regular hours so that I would have
more time
with my teenager. I found a job working
Balance. That was the solution I was seeking. But the path I took did not get me there. What will? My solution is gratitude. One may not find balance by seeking balance, but one can find it through the perspective of thankfulness.
When one is grateful for one’s partner, one’s children, one’s home, one’s work one has achieved balance. If you begin to resent the job, the house, the kids, or your spouse balance has been lost. Gratitude is the barometer that works. I do not worry about to whom or what I am thankful. I am just thankful. When I begin not to be thankful then I know it is time to work on or change a relationship. Through gratitude I can achieve the balance I could not find otherwise.
I know that this is not everyone’s religious problem or solution. I need to find a balance of time and money because I have been blessed with the opportunity to have enough of both. There are people throughout the world, this country, even my own neighborhood, who do not have the opportunity to have enough money or enough time. They have to work two full time jobs or three part time jobs to feed and shelter themselves and their families. Their religious problem and solution will be different than mine. In my gratitude for what I have I will remember them and do what I can so that they may one day have enough time and enough money to enjoy what I enjoy. This too is part of my religious solution of being grateful.
Being grateful for what I have also protects me from desiring more than I can afford in my time or money. As long as I am not cramped for space or overburdened with the work of upkeep the home I have is good. When I am so cramped or overburdened with housework that I am no longer grateful for my home then something needs to change. I may just need to do a major cleaning to gain space back or I might need to move. I might need to hire a cleaning service or I might need to move. When I have regained gratitude for my home balance has been achieved.
When I am grateful for what I have and for what I am doing I find that I have peace of mind. I have serenity. This may be your answer too. If so take it. I don’t claim any proprietary rights to this problem and this answer. But it may not be your answer. You need to define your own problem and your own solution. Define what is keeping you from serenity or peace of mind. When you can define what is keeping you from peace then you may begin to know how to find your way toward it.